Analyzing chaos
by Little.Latina
Summary: Chloe O'Brian is used to analyze everything, and everything includes her feelings, worries, doubts and fears. Everything also implies analyzing the chaos her heart has been merged in ever since she met Jack Bauer and fell madly, silently in love with him.
1. Sleepless

_Sleeping was troublesome the night before she met him._

You close your eyes.

You take a deep breath.

You open your eyes, and then close them again.

You turn and toss, unable to sleep.

You listen to the quietness and the dead silence dancing together within the walls of your little apartment.

You turn and toss; you always turn and toss when you can't sleep.

You come to rest in the middle of the bed, your head buried in the pillow, your gaze fixed on the ceiling, staring at it.

You cannot sleep.

You are nervous.

You hate that you are nervous, you hate what nervousness do to you, you hate admitting a weakness, but you have to admit it: nervousness is what is keeping you awake.

You turn and toss; ever since you were a little girl you turn and toss when you can't sleep, and usually insomnia shows up when nervousness is eating up at you.

Your face is now buried in the pillow.

You breathe in your own perfume; the fresh, flowery smell of shampoo intoxicates you.

Your hair is damp, so is your pillow now.

You always take a hot shower before going to bed, _especially_ when you have the feeling sleeping is going to be troublesome. It relaxes you… a little. You usually just stand there under the searing, pouring water and let it cascade over you, in an attempt to wash off whatever it is that is bugging you.

You close your eyes.

You turn and toss, and open your eyes, and close them again, and turn and toss, and now you are facing the ceiling, your gaze fixed on it, your ears being hammered by the sound of quietness and dead silence waltzing together within the walls of your apartment.

You are nervous because a new stage of your life begins tomorrow morning, in six hours, forty eight minutes to be exact.

You are nervous because today is your first day at the Counter Terrorist Unit of the Los Angeles city.

You are nervous because you are scared you are not going to fit in.

You never fit in, anywhere.

You never fitted in, anywhere.

You are sure you will never fit in, anywhere.

You deep breathe and close your eyes once more.

You try to stop thinking about how embarrassed you are going to be tomorrow when without even noticing it you will make display of your total lack of social skills.

You try to stop thinking how much you are going to hate not fitting in and how much it is going to hurt pretending you don't really care.

You do care.

You do want to fit.

You do want to make friends.

You do want to be 'one of those girls'.

You do want to like people.

You do want people to like you. You do want to be liked by them, and to like them back.

You do want to learn how to have better social skills.

You just can't.

You have tried before, and you were proven you just can't.

You are what you are, you are who you are.

You can't change, and you know the others won't change either.

You toss and turn, and now your face is buried in the pillow and the smell of fresh, flowery shampoo intoxicates you.

You fall asleep at 3 am. More than fall asleep, you pass out because of exhaustion, because nervousness has finally worn you out.

You, Chloe O'Brian, had trouble tonight falling asleep because tomorrow a new stage of your life begins.

You, Chloe O'Brian, have no idea how many sleepless now will come from now on.

You, Chloe O'Brian, have no idea tomorrow you are going to meet the love of your life.


	2. Analysis of the first day

_Analyzing the first day, she lays awake until 2 am in the morning thinking about him while trying not to do so. _

You lay awake, your gaze fixed on the ceiling, analyzing the last fourteen hours.

It went better than you thought it would, your first day as a senior analyst in the Counter Terrorist Unit of the Los Angeles City. And by 'it went better than you thought it would' you mean the general embarrassment and uncomfortable shyness – feelings that make you cranky, moody and difficult to work with – didn't take over you as strongly as they had before in other similar opportunities.

Of course, the fact that Chase was there helped _a lot_. Familiar faces, familiar voices, those things always kind of help you out while trying to get used to new places, new people, new jobs.

He introduced you to the rest of the staff – analysts, programmers, technicians, secretaries and other persons you didn't quite understand what they were there for because they looked as if they didn't know that themselves – and to the director and his second in command, Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler.

You had heard all about the way they helped preventing World War III from being started based on false proves by going against Division and District's orders to prove the Cyprus Recording was forged; they broke protocol, yes, and they ignored a long, long list of rules like the command chain that are, in your opinion, of absolute importance, but they did a good job.

You thought at first that they were professional, composed, hard workers and people you could actually end up liking, admiring and respecting deeply (and _that_ is _something_); then they ruined the excellent first impression they had made when you caught the glances they constantly stole each other and the small smiles that crossed their lips when they thought no one was paying attention to them. Those gestures are, in your opinion, totally unprofessional and they made you feel uncomfortable, but you really don't want to think about it right now.

You met your boss today too. You saw him for two brief minutes before he left for a meeting with Ryan Chappelle and Brad Hammond at Division. The first thought your mind was crossed by (and when it did you felt your cheeks getting redder and redder and embarrassment eating up at you, causing a knot to form on your stomach) was that he was handsome: blonde hair, a little taller than you, beautiful blue eyes and _something_ you don't know which words to use in order to describe it, _something_ you liked a lot.

You felt attracted to him. That's the simplest way to put it. And it makes you totally uncomfortable.

He barely paid any attention to you. He barely noticed you, he barely looked at you (you are used to not be noticed, so it was okay, it didn't bother your much). He just groaned something that sounded like 'Nice to meet you' in an attempt to being polite. Then before you could part your lips and whisper 'Nice to meet you' back and shake his hand in an attempt to display some sort of social skills, he was heading to the bullpen and a millisecond later he was gone.

You have heard about him before today. Of course, who hasn't heard everything about agent Jack Bauer?

He is a legend.

He is a hero.

He is used to ignore rules.

He is used to break protocol.

He is used to make things his way.

He is not used to stick to decisions made by people that are above him.

He expects his employees to do things the way he wants them done.

As you see it, rules were made to be followed, not to be broken.

As you see it, protocol is important; it's not a bunch of crap to ignore.

As you see it, making things one's way didn't pay off most of the times.

As you see it, you can force others to break the rules and put their jobs on the line.

You haven't been around the man that is now your new boss for more than a minute but, as you see it, getting along with him is not going to be easy. In fact, something tells you it is going to be impossible.

And when you told Chase this, he simply looked at you and remained quiet. He didn't reassure you. He didn't say you were wrong. He didn't say anything like 'no, Chloe, Jack isn't like that; what you heard about him are, plain and simple, rumors. You are not gonna have any trouble with him, you're gonna like each other just fine, you'll fee comfortable and respected and you'll love it here'.

He just nodded his head and sighed and advised you to 'try and take things easy'.

Tomorrow you will get a chance to work under his orders. You will get a chance to prove yourself right or wrong, to see if it is true this hunch that tells you working for Jack Bauer is not going to be a walk in the park.

Tomorrow, you will spend a long eight hours working day with Jack Bauer, and you will see how everything works. That is the last thought your mind is crossed by before you fall asleep at 2 am in the morning after having spent the last two and a half hours staring blankly at the ceiling, thinking about him while trying not to do so and failing pathetically.

Jack Bauer, your boss.

Jack Bauer, a man you felt instantly attracted to, which is not good at all.

Jack Bauer, a man that you are sure will disagree with you on _everything_.

Jack Bauer, a man you are sure working with is not going to be the easiest thing.

Jack Bauer, the man that, little do you know, was born to be the love of your life.

Jack Bauer, the man you are going to slowly and painfully and madly and sadly and silently fall in love with, each day a little more, without even noticing.


	3. You work for him, not with him

_She doesn't work with him. She works for him. There is a different between working with a person and working for a person._

You were right: working with him it is not and probably will never be easy.

It is anything but easy.

It can be described in a billion million ways, with a billion million words, but none of those words would be 'easy'.

No, wait, it's wrong. You don't work with him. You work _for _him.

So let's start this over.

You were right: working for him it is not and probably will never be easy.

It is anything but easy.

It can be described in a billion million ways, with a billion million words, but none of those words would be 'easy'.

There is a difference between working _for _a person and working _with_ a person.

When you analyze it, working with a person can sometimes be hard and it is common for difficulties and disagreements to arise, but it is more enjoyable than the feelings you get in your stomach when you are constantly reminded you aren't working with him but for him.

You do know how to obey. You do know how to follow rules. You do know what you are there for, what you go there everyday for, and you take your tasks and do them without complaining (you scowl a lot, but you haven't started voicing your compliments aloud yet), but it does bother you that little sentence that seems to always be at the tip of Jack Bauer's tongue.

"_You work for me" _

You hear it a lot here at CTU, and it upsets you, which hasn't ever happened to you in your previous jobs. You had never given a damn whether you worked with a person or for a person, you had never even thought about it before, but now it's a topic you analyze a lot.

Working for Jack Bauer means things must be done his way, things must be done _now_ (when he asks something, he wants him now, not later. Later is not good enough. Later doesn't work for him).

Working for Jack Bauer means you get yelled at a lot, and then you have to listen to him and his empty apologies when things get out of his hands and he sees himself obligated to offer some kind of request for forgiveness you know he could easily live without, and that you could easily live without, because it also bothers you a lot lying when you mutter 'apology accepted'.

Working for Jack Bauer means envying (you are definitely not used to envy people) Michelle Dessler because she doesn't work _for_ Tony Almeida: she works _with_ him, and days don't seem to drag by for her, and her job is less stressful, and she looks much more relaxed then you do, and she is not constantly getting warnings because 'she can't do things the way he wants them done'.

Well, the fact that they also are evidently madly in love with each other you are sure must help, but that is none of your business. The point is: other employees aren't continuously told they can't get tasks done fast enough, or that if they can't handle this and put up with it they should quit.

The problem with Jack Bauer is that he cannot wait. He wants things _now _(yeah, Chloe, we have already gone through that, the part where you analyze his pissing tendency of wanting everything _right now _because 'later' doesn't work, because 'later' is not good enough), and your rhythm is different than his: you don't do things quicker than others analysts because you take your time, and taking your time means you do them better, but he doesn't appreciate that.

No, he doesn't appreciate the fact that you are smarter than the rest of the staff, no. He appreciates random analysts who do things quicker than you and can give him results _right now_ over you, who can do things better.

He prefers 'quicker' over 'better', that is why he doesn't like you working for him either, that is why he thinks you are not good enough for this job, that is why he sees you as a burden, that is why he regularly insists Tony he uses you more on the floor, so you can get out of his sight and leave the hell out of him alone while he works _with_ those analysts who can do things quicker but not better.

You sigh, close your eyes, and hug your pillow tightly.

A month and eight days have passed since you started working at the Counter Terrorist Unit of Los Angeles city, and there already is a list of things you know for sure: you don't work with Jack Bauer, you work for him. You are not worth his time, your abilities to complete tasks slower but better are not considered an asset there; they are considered an annoyance. Random analysts who do not know half you do know are the ones he prefers working with, because they can get things done _now_ and not _later_.

You sigh again, open your eyes, close them, roll over the bed so you are lying on your back, hug your pillow tightly, roll over the bed again so you lay on your stomach again, hug your pillow tighter, you let out a third sigh and pray for sleep to come, thanking tomorrow it's Saturday and you are not expected to go in.

But the truth is, Chloe O'Brian, that deep inside you like Jack Bauer.

And you hope one day you will work _with_ him and not _for_ him.


End file.
